perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
