There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
my sisters under your porch take her home
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize