These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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