she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
