Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
