I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
