So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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