Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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