Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
