Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I love you. Go after that dick
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
