So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
