did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
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