I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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