All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Randomize
