just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
