Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
