You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
