I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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