i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
