well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
