Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
