End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
