chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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