im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize