He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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