dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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