he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
i think my cat just said my name.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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