Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
