Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
