even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
