Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
