I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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