Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
