The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
