Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
