wanna go halves on a baby?
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
