I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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