Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
