Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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