Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
