How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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