john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Randomize
