I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
