just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
