So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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