True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
