Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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