Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
