doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
