oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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