i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
We have started to decorate penises.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
