Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
