So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
