He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
