Moan for me like Helen Keller
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
So many bounce houses so little time
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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