I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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