those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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