can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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