my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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