The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
We talked him into tasing himself.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
