You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
