I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
