Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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