I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
