and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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