This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
