fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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