One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
