Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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