everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize