I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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