I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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