You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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