Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
