Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
