he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
