Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
