I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
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