There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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