it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
