Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
