moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
