There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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