nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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