i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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